Written by Dr. Juliana Hauser
We live in a society that has an interesting relationship with pleasure. Often, we bounce from pleasure deprivation to pleasure indulgence. We ignore or devalue microdoses of pleasure and get too caught up in our busy lives to infuse pleasurable moments throughout our days. We reserve pleasure until after the hard parts of life are “over”, we “deserve” a treat, or when pleasure is culturally sanctioned like a vacation or a birthday celebration.
We’ve got pleasure all wrong.
It is seen as something that we have to earn rather than a necessity for emotional regulation, stress reduction, meaningful relationship with self and others, sexual connection, and overall well-being. 
We’re Made for Pleasure
There are two types of pleasures that we experience as humans – higher-order pleasures like the pleasure money brings us, how we feel when we look at art or hear our favorite songs, or the pleasure we get when we donate to a cause we believe in. The other, fundamental pleasure, is aptly named as it encompasses the pleasures we experience when we eat our favorite foods, smell our favorite smells, and experience sexual pleasure. (Kringelbach 2010) The definition of fundamental is “of central importance” and “forming a necessary core” reinforces just how integral pleasure is to our day to day lives and to our wellbeing.
We mainly have dopamine to thank for our ability to experience pleasure. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that acts as a hormone sending messages throughout the brain and the whole body (Cleveland Clinic 2022). As we evolved as humans, dopamine has guided us to be motivated to do the things that are necessary to our survival (eat, drink, sleep, have sex, etc.) – pleasure is a vital psychological and physiological process and yet our relationship to it remains confused! 
Commons Ways We Inhibit Our Own Pleasure
In living an “all or nothing” approach to pleasure, on top of the ways social media skews our brain chemistry, we’re constantly chasing dopamine hits instead of healthy, sustained, regular engagement with it. Taking time to truly focus on, enjoy, and create pleasurable experiences in your everyday life will only positively impact your ability to experience pleasure and more of it!
We also confuse escapism with pleasure in our lives. Of course we enjoy a night out or a vacation, but for many of us, what we think is bringing us pleasure is actually dulling our senses, numbing our ability to think and feel, and can distance ourselves from the things that bring us deep and lasting pleasure.
It’s also quite common to feel hedonistic when it comes to pleasure. Many of us feel shameful if we talk about pleasure, seek pleasure, or “indulge” in pleasure regularly based on our perceived perceptions of others. We end up limiting ourselves and gatekeep our pleasure in this act of misguided humility or austerity.
What happens when we don’t protect pleasure
Our brains have evolved to easily store negative memories and information in order to keep us safe and alive, called a negativity bias. We don’t need pleasure in order to survive a predator's attack, but as mentioned above, it is essential to our overall well-being.
We haven’t evolved yet towards a positivity bias, a brain that stores pleasure-filled memories and moments. Therefore, we must work extra hard to steep in the moments of pleasure, connection, fulfillment, and bliss. The more we succumb to the negativity bias, the more sadness, anxiety, and depression take hold. When we don’t protect both micro and macro pleasures in our everyday lives (yes, every single day!) we lose out on a powerful opportunity to bathe our bodies and mind in the feel-good chemicals we evolved alongside. So let’s do something about it! 
Full-Being Pleasure
Pleasure is not one-size fits all and it’s multi-dimensional. Consider the many ways we can seek and feel pleasure:
- Body: focus on each sense that’s available to you, the possibilities are endless!
- Soul: create connection and show up authentically
- Mind: find stimulation with new inputs, challenge yourself in novel ways
- Sexual: learn your yucks and yums, expand your definition of sexual pleasure
How To Infuse Pleasure in Your Everyday
Start saying things like:
- “Oh, this brings me so much pleasure.”
- “Is this pleasurable to you?”
- “What brings you the most pleasure in your every day life?
Have a robust self-pleasure practice
- Take the time to learn your body, what you like and don’t, luxuriate in the process without a timeline, and make the effort to carve time out regularly to be with yourself
Increase your awareness
- Notice how you feel and what cues your body is giving you
- When you feel something pleasurable, bring your full attention towards it, anchor to it, and try to reward yourself for this process of simply steeping in pleasure
Build variety into your routine
- Taking a step back from your usual day to day will open up different opportunities to experience new pleasures
- Change up the timing of when you complete your daily tasks, go out of your way to shake it up!
Move away from what is a “yuck” and move toward what is a “yum” in your life – the more “yums” the better!
- No yucks or yums are too big or too small!
What I Do To Support a Pleasure-Filled Life
I have a “bliss” buddy.
- Inspired by The Bliss Buddy Project, my friend and I ask each other about the pleasure in our lives daily. We are a safe place for each other to seek and celebrate the pleasure in our lives, and we check in on each other’s pleasure ratio (how much pleasure exists compared to the not-so-pleasurable). Our pleasures might be small – the smell of a flower, like my favorite gardenias, or something bigger – seeing my daughter perform in a ballet recital.
I prioritize pleasure with my style and clothing choices.
- When I teach about pleasure, I love picking out an outfit that makes me look and feel confident and to be honest, I always have Huha underneath AND I bring a pair to demonstrate how much pleasure I get right before I put them on. Not only is this an incredible ice breaker that makes people laugh, I also get to share the genuine and unapologetic pleasure I receive when putting on a pair of underwear. We’re not talking about grand gestures here – pleasure can really be this simple!
I pinpoint each sense everyday.
- I try to find things that bring pleasure to each of my senses at different parts of each day. One morning I might take a moment to smell my favorite body wash in the shower, or I’ll play a song that wakes my soul on the drive home from school drop-off, or I’ll eat something delicious at lunch, or I’ll keep fresh flowers in my kitchen and take a moment to bask in their beauty… and through it all, I pay attention. I anchor to and with the pleasure.
Find What Works For You
Destigmatizing pleasure for yourself and others may be the best thing you can start right this moment to make a difference in your life. Pleasure lays the foundational blocks for contentment, happiness, and fulfillment, and all it takes is a little tuning in and self-discovery. Find what works for you!
I ask you to be a person who values all angles of pleasure in your own life, breaks through the boundaries that you or others have set for you, and become a beacon of pleasure for those in your life. Pleasure is good for you and it’s contagious – mind, body, soul and sexually. Pleasure is your birthright, so claim it.
You can learn more about Dr. Juliana Hauser on her website and through her Instagram page.
